Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Comparing YA to real life: Guys and relationships

This is something that I've been talking to a friend about because as readers, YA or not, we tend to look at things differently. (Or maybe, that's just me) Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is we see reality and then we see bookality (or the fantasy in books) and then we go and compare these things to each other right? Again am I the only one that does this? I'm serious I'll be sitting here thinking what would -insert character name here- do in this situation. Just look at my long post about friendship back from June. Real(Life)ality Vs Bookality. I was going through some things then, and with a lot of help I realized somethings are more important. :)

I'm going to be completely honest here. I've never been much for any kind of relationship, and maybe that's because I never really had one, I never really knew what I wanted, or because I'm really, really shy. I'm not kidding when I say I'm shy. I've never been one to approach someone and just start randomly talking. I guess it's a fear of rejection, of being hurt, and I don't do well with that kind of thing. I'm quite sensitive. The friends I have it took me a lot of time to get use to them, but I'm really trying to work on that. I'm 25 so I'm thinking it's time I get over what fears I might have. So this is where my comparison comes in I guess you could say.

The past few weeks have been really awesome for me because I'm not use to it. Besides family and a few friends I've never had someone seem to care so much about me, or take any interest in me. ( If I have I've probably ignored it. Whoops.) The random stuff I've gotten. (See new phone, rose, stuffed animal) going out to a movie and dinner almost every weekend, dinner and hanging out at the mall when he got off work one day last week, meeting friends of his, and some of the stuff he says. I'm like this can't be happening. What did I do to deserve this? Then I think with every storm, a rainbow comes after, and that's exactly what this feels like. I had my storm when my family decided to pull some crap and leave me wondering where the heck I was going to live. Then comes the rainbow a few weeks later in the form of this guy. I've known him for a year and a half. (We work together.) and I don't know it just feels good. I think back to some of the books I've read this year where friendships have formed, and then it grew into something. The main one being  The Body Finder by Kimberly Derting. I loved Jay and Violet's relationship. Friendship first. I really need to read Desires of the dead, and can't wait for the ending which comes out next year and is titled The Lost Echoes. Not this crazy insta-love. Although, I'm a sucker for that if it's done right. :) Another one is Juilette and Adam from Tahereh Mafi's Shatter Me. I just finished, and it was amazing. It deserves every bit of the praise it gets. The last one that sticks out in my mind would be Mia and Adam from Gayle Forman's If I stay and Where She Went. I loved the way Adam was in If I Stay. He was there for her even though she wasn't there physically. So yeah, that's kind of where I was heading with this post. Sorry it turned out a little longer then expected. It amazes me just the little things that he notices about me, or things I do. Okay, I'll stop now. 

I know these are just a few of the relationships I like in the books I've read. I know there have to be more that I haven't read. What are some books you've read that have these types? Do you like the friendship first, or insta love? Go ahead and share your story. I know I did. :)


  1. I completely understand what you meant by the shyness. I've always been a shy girl and yeah, it might have been a fear of rejection. I've always had a lot of issues that I've just begun to solve within the past few years.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and before I met him, I always thought the kind of love we have was only found in movies/ books. I was really skeptical on the whole "soulmate" thing, but that's what our relationship feels like. He's me in a male form. We have our differences, of course, but we're both really interested by them. We talk every single day for 6 hours or more (usually) and never run out of a thing to say. How is that even possible? I run out of things to say to everyone.

    Anyways, our relationship began as the whole insta-love thing. I had no clue it was coming and *BAM*...It slapped me in the face. I've tried friendship first before my current relationship and it almost ruined our friendship. Long story short, we met each other online and fell for each other immediately. A year and a half passed and he was finally able to come here (to Wisconsin, from Colombia) for a few months. I've never felt so comfortable and I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without him in it. Unfortunately, he had to go back in November to finish college, but he'll be coming back here after next year.

    It's so surreal. I never actually believed in a love like this and before he came along, the term "soulmate" was impossible. Hell, the term "love" was almost impossible for me to understand. I never thought that I'd find it, which is just silly. Even though I'm constantly missing him, I'm never going to give up hope.

    I'm sorry for typing SO MUCH and while I still (strongly) believe in the "friends first" policy, that's definitely not what happened to me and I'm still in awe that it did. I just wanted to say that it's possible! :P Thanks for sharing this post.

  2. Awww, I have one friend who met her husband online, and the have 3 adorable kids, and they seem happy. I've seen how the internet can either make or break relationships, and I guess that's why I'm more on the side of knowing someone and being friends first. I watched my dad get totally screwed over when he met someone online and even though they were married for 2 years I think in the end it was hell for me and him. Then I wouldn't call it a relationship really but I sorta of met and talked a lot with someone for awhile, and it never really escalated to much of anything. So I don't know.

    It's always nice to see when things turn out good. Thanks for sharing your story. It's nice to see that I'm not alone. :)

  3. Amen to the shyness! Ugh, I need a crash course on how to socialize! :P But I'd so rather stick with my books.

    Uh... I'm not so sure I believe in insta-love. I think friendship first is more probable. But then again, I'm still young, so I have no idea.... But if only real life was like the books we read. Now THAT would be epic. :)

  4. Jen- I need to take that course with you. :P I'm horrible when it comes to socializing. The past week or two I've met his friends when we've gone out, and I'm like I wish I could be this sociable person, but I have a hard time with that.

    I'm always talking about what if life were like this book.

  5. Ah Ash, I think you and I have hashed this out as much as we possibly can! I was thinking of doing a post about this as well :)I think it's great that you've met someone and it evolved out of friendship. And after everything that's happened you totally deserve your rainbow.

  6. I think that the diversity of relationships that are explored in books is important. While there very well may be a formula that we wish relationships took, sprouted from, etc. that is not so. The more realistic things can be grounding, or even cautionary tales in the cases that do not end happily. More fantastical or idealized romances are good for reminding us that there is hope. Everything serves its purpose.

  7. Lan- Yeah, I know we have, but it was just sitting in my mind and I'm like I have to get it written out somewhere. You should still do a post I'm curious to see what your readers have to say.

    Kathy- I agree I think it's important too because no one is going to find that one person the same way. Maybe in a similar way, but not the same.

  8. I try really hard not to compare relationships in books to people. I'm fairly cynical, so the book generally wins, and I end up feeling grumpy toward the person.

    I need that crash course in socialization too!

  9. Happy for you! :) I'm like you: an innate shyness, fear of rejection, honest surprise that my current bf was interested in me. Completely surreal! It wasn't insta love but we weren't friends first either, really. Sort of acquaintances. As for books, I much prefer the slow, gradual buildup of romance.


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Happy Reading and Blogging, Ashley

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